Today is my last radiation treatment. Last treatment-period. I thought I would sit down and write what I have learned about cancer. If you have a friend with cancer, in the future, it might be eye opening to read. I don’t speak for all cancer patients, just me, but I have learned a lot of lessons the hard way. So here it is-what I know about cancer....
- Cancer treatments take a long freaking time! Mine started in June and ended Jan. 15. Lesson: There is still basketball practice, baseball, soccer, homework, carpool, work, groceries, errands to run and cancer treatments. Some people are not affected by the treatments as bad as others. My side effects were pretty bad at times. After everyone goes on with their lives, you are still in the trenches-with kids, family, a life, but in the trenches.
- Cancer is lonely. Never let your friend got through chemo every week or every other week alone. The chemo lab is filled with a lot of VERY sick people, white stark walls, IV drips and hours of time to think about horrible things. Don’t let them sit there wondering where their families or friends are. Get together with the family or a bunch of friends and divide up the sessions. Arrive in the middle of chemo with lunch or something. Anything. Don’t leave that person to sit there alone when other patients have family, sometimes multiple people, sitting with them. Even if you have to watch them sleep-go. Be there.
- Cancer is exhausting. Meals are great but if your friend has kids, this is where the real need is, I promise you! I have five. My oldest son was the source of stability for them when I was going through the first half of my chemo and it was summer. I can’t tell you how much it pained me to see the kids trapped in the house all summer with no escape. Call your friend. Ask them if today is a good day to get the kids for a few hours. Yes, that means all of them-especially the one that is hell of wheels. Someone had to say, “What is a good day to get the kids this week? How about now?” Take them overnight if your friend will allow. But take them! Hiring someone to clean your friend’s house, as the treatments drag on, is another way to really support that person. Boots on the ground....that is what your friend needs.
- Cancer is an adult thing. Kids need to have a life. During treatment, ask to keep your friend’s children or watch them. I was blessed to have two special girlfriends that helped out.
- Cancer is ugly. If your friend looks like hell, they are probably feeling like hell too. Even if they are silent. Let them sleep. Yes, this might mean taking the kids out of the house or letting them have an extra day off of work but sleep does a lot for a patient. Our bodies are, for a better word, battered from the disease and the treatment.
- Cancer is expensive. I was blessed to have high school friends and friends in general that rallied around us early on. I am very thankful for that. In some cases, cancer can effect your job, or your ability to work at all. It effects everyone so differently.
- Cancer separates you from life. Other than running my kids from place to place after chemo (and most of the time ON the day of chemo) and radiation, I didn’t see many people. It leads to darker things-depression, sadness and a yearning for fellowship. Sometimes it is because the patient feels like they look different or they just feel like crap-whatever the reason, isolation becomes a silent enemy.
- Cancer has a friend-Satan. Satan likes to pal around with cancer. The devil’s job is to whisper dark thoughts in the patient’s head like, “You know you’re going to get this again, right?” or “No one really cares about you. If they did, they would be here.” or “This is going to kill you.” Your friend that has cancer is probably too sick and too weak to fight him off. You need to step forward. Not only pray over your friend but proclaim to them that all of these lies are LIES. Speak words of encouragement. Laugh with them. The best way to beat the devil is to shine Light on him. Prayer is great. Again the boots of the ground method is what most people really want-prayer and physical presence to beat the enemy who whisper in the dark.
- Cancer defines who your friends really are. It takes away time, beauty, youth, parts of your body and your energy, but when it wipes away friendships-that is unneeded. There is no need to lose friends. I lost many and gained some from unusual places. It is sad. Think about who you call your friend....if they are sick-you should show up. Call, write, something....staying silent equals “I don’t really care about you” whether that was your intention or not.
- Cancer shows you that there is a choice. We all die. Where is your eternity? Heaven or Hell. Nothing will shape that question up like having cancer. I know I chose Jesus about 14 years ago, so with His Grace and Mercy, I will go to heaven. But you might want to think about that question....you don’t know how much time you have.
Adios Cancer.....you’ve been hell. Glad I am clear of it. Thankful to be DONE! Thank you Jesus for allowing me to live.
