This Sunday I really wanted to be off pain killers post surgery. I missed seeing my kids. Pain killers confuse me. They make me sleepy but I can't sleep. Make me want to curl up on my bed away from people, but make me lonely. I can't focus on them and Joe has to really be in charge. The kids are kind of on auto pilot. Which I don't like. I can still hear them on LOUD auto pilot. (They are being really good but when mom is down...the mice like to play.) So I decided I didn't need them. Well, apparently the 4 incisions on my body laughed at me and decided otherwise. About 1 p.m I was a crying mess.
Being in pain also draws out other stuff that is bothering you like worrying secretly about the pathology report that is still outstanding and an unknown. If you know me you know I like to be in control. Cancer =in control of NOTHING. This is probably why I have been crying today more than just over being in some pain. I would like to hear the two words "clear margins" so we can move on to the third phase of this mess. Radiation.
So today was a rough day but tomorrow will be better I am sure. Joe goes back to work and the kids go back to school.
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