I was OK this morning. Took my chemo pills, marched out the door for no less than 8 errands. (ALL DAY!) I thought I was doing great until I got a call from one of my many doctors. He didn't know about the Stage 4. His assistant was getting the low down on it so she could pass it along. Two kids were in the car, so I tip toed through the subject matter. Most people would have just said "I'll call you back" but that means I actually have to, so I answered the questions. Then I dropped off one kid and Carrie Underwood's song "I'll See You Again" came on.
Bawled like a big baby while Ikester played with his leapster. Seriously-it was a downpour.
The words struck me, hard. Glad the other kids weren't in the car.
So at the end of the day-I am in a real funk. I don't care about writing (which I should since I have to be done in two days!), I don't care about dinner....just want to curl up and sleep. I am determined NOT to let depression sneak up on me again.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Taboo Topics
For the most part, I am doing great. The meds are ok. Side effects are minimal. But I hit a stumbling block yesterday and then again today.
Joe came home from Germany, fresh with information about fellow workers. He shared how this person was building their dream home and this one was preparing for the dream retirement home in another state. Really he was just chatting, catching up. But I lost it-both conversations. I finally told him, "I can't hear about other people (our age) getting to build their dream homes and preparing for retirement. Not now." It was kind of weird reaction. Not sure he totally understood.
Hit out of left field. Not my usual soft spot either.
Joe came home from Germany, fresh with information about fellow workers. He shared how this person was building their dream home and this one was preparing for the dream retirement home in another state. Really he was just chatting, catching up. But I lost it-both conversations. I finally told him, "I can't hear about other people (our age) getting to build their dream homes and preparing for retirement. Not now." It was kind of weird reaction. Not sure he totally understood.
Hit out of left field. Not my usual soft spot either.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Bucket List
Joe is flying off to Germany. (Dang it! I want to go) And I am here. Ummm. Making a bucket list of things I want to do before the New Year. I told him to do the same and include things he wants us to do together (PG version:).
This week we have 4 pet sitting jobs. The kids are going to rake in the money. Even though sometimes it is a pain, I just remind myself they are learning how to work and it is a ton of money for them to put toward car/college.
Xeloda has been kind to me, so far. Only 3 days of side effects and they were mild. Pray that in 6 weeks we do a scan and the cancer is gone, decreased or has not spread. If so, I can stay on the easy meds and not move to the monster.
I am making a list of One Thousand Things I love and am thankful for. I challenge you to do the same. It is hard though, once you get past the first 50. Then you have to look toward little things that bring you joy. I will try to post mine from time to time.
This week we have 4 pet sitting jobs. The kids are going to rake in the money. Even though sometimes it is a pain, I just remind myself they are learning how to work and it is a ton of money for them to put toward car/college.
Xeloda has been kind to me, so far. Only 3 days of side effects and they were mild. Pray that in 6 weeks we do a scan and the cancer is gone, decreased or has not spread. If so, I can stay on the easy meds and not move to the monster.
I am making a list of One Thousand Things I love and am thankful for. I challenge you to do the same. It is hard though, once you get past the first 50. Then you have to look toward little things that bring you joy. I will try to post mine from time to time.
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