Weekend

Not much on the horizon for the weekend.  Tonight, I feel like I have been hit by a small bus.  So I am not sure what Joe is going to do with the kids but I am doing nada!  Joe is taking most of the kids to an Astros game while me and Cass decline gracefully.  (Not our thing) Sunday, nothing.  My kind of weekend. 

That last hurdle

Well, tonight in the shower my hair came out in waves....it was a weird feeling. I am going to shave it off tomorrow.  Just because I can't have it in patches.  Looks weird.  For those sweet friends that have said things like they would shave their heads for me-please don't.  I can't explain it but it was triple this trauma for me.  DON'T.  There have been some seriously darling people that have offered and although the sentiment is sweet-don't.  It is hard enough going through this with my own hair but if I cost someone theirs it would make me feel worse.  I know on tv or on the news it looks like a great idea but not with me. 

I am dealing with cancer in my own way-honestly.  I know it may ruffle feathers.  But honest is a whole lot more real than pretending.  I am doing ok.  It is a temporary thing.  Doesn't mean I have to like it.  lol

Morning is always better

I woke up about 3 am because my scalp hurt.  Couldn't figure out why.  Weird. Took a shower and it feels better.  So I feel better. I have an 8 am meeting with my writing mentor and I am out the door.  Life goes one.  I told you it would take me one day of crying my fool head off and then I would get back to being normal.  Now, when all the hair falls out....we will see a repeat for a day I am sure but I am human. 

Sherry comes home tomorrow so that is great. 

more on hair:)

My fabulous hairdresser whom I adore is not to blame.  I told her to cut it super short-she did as clumps of hair fell of in her hands as she is brushing it out.  I am sure she was like "We should just shave it," but she didn't say it because she knows me too well. The girl has known me since high school and knew I would crumble into a million pieces right there on her floor. It is shorter than Tanner's and just longer than Ethan's and YES it is currently under a scarf and NO I am not wearing it out in public.  Short hair does not suit me.  Bald hair does not suit me. Pardon me for being blunt but black women are the only ones that can pull off bald hair.  It doesn't usually work for white women.  I don't care what anyone says.  Men can go bald.....not natural on a woman.

Joe asked me why I was taking this so hard. Aside from me worrying about him finding me attractive anymore (which he is quick to say I am beautiful, blah, blah)  I told him it was part of my identity.  Always has been.  Growing it long, coloring  it, covering up gray, curling it, straightening, etc.  Girls kind of dig their hair and now mine is pretty much gone. I thought when Claire cut it that it would magically stop falling out....uhhh....no it is like it gave it permission just to fall out at will.  Lol 

Hair....it ain't gonna make it until Thursday

I thought I could hold off until Friday before I pixie cut it but it is just falling out by the handfulls..not gonna happen. I think I am going to beg Claire to cut it sooner.  I had an appointment on Friday but by that time it may be in patches.......ewww.  Soooooo off it goes.  Bye bye vanity.  I hate you cancer.  REALLY hate you.  Don't care who thinks I should be noble about this I really hate you cancer.

Chemo #2 is done

Tumor has already SHRUNK!!!!  Praise Jesus.  MRI came back with negitive results.  We did a BRAC genetic test.  Please pray that is it NEGITIVE.  This makes a huge difference on what kind of surgery I end up getting.  Smaller surgery means smaller recovery time for me.  Please pray about this test. 

Friday I am go to the hairdresser-she is cutting my hair boyish-pixie short.  (Can't bring myself to shave it).  It is coming out by the handfuls. I am just trying to make it to Sherry's banquet with my own hair and then it can go.  Not sure that can happen.  We will see. 

Two more big chemos combos and then we start on the mean old Taxol for 12 weeks.  It will most likely take my eyelashes and eyebrows and maybe my toenails....I am trying to bargain with it but it does not listen.  Doesn't Taxol know that power of my persuasion????  lol

Hair

"It will grow back."  Those words don't help, by the way, when  your hair starts coming out.  Mine is "shedding" by the handfuls.  Today.... all of a sudden.  I hate it.  I know it will grow back.  Still sucks.