I was wondering when the emotions would hit my middle son. He is my barometer of my emotions. Anything I was feeling (last round of cancer), pretty much showed on his face or his emotions like a mirror to my heart. Last night he was deeply grieved and heartbroken. It took about 45 min. of talking to get him to calm down. But it broke my heart as well. This is the part about cancer that I hate with a passion-dragging family through it. If it was just me...I could almost handle it but dragging my kids through it AGAIN-ugh!
I had to ask him (and it killed me to do so), "Is there anything I can make for you or do for you that will help you remember how much I love you?" He thought about it for a while and said "Make me a book of just me and you?" (Shutterfly type) He knows me so well. I have pictures galore and words come freely for me. So I guess I am making a book for him. I told him, "Well you know I am going to make this book and then watch -I will live to be 80." He laughed. But he still wanted it.
His deepest concern was that no one can help him in school like me, no one listens to him like me, no one knows him like me. I told him God knows his heart-talk to God first. Find another adult he can trust. I gave him several family members and Terri (our neighbor) but also named several people at his school that he could go to. He said he felt funny about that. (But I could tell he was considering the choices.) I told him my kids were in a unique position-since I worked for the district for 3 years, A LOT of people know me in each school and they will act like guardian angels around all of my 4 younger ones.
I pray God will provide him and the other kids people to confide in when I am sick. It is a heavy burden for him to bear alone.
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