I have been bracing myself since they announced “clear margins” for the second round of cancer. I didn’t have to wait too long. Only a few months. Now it is in my lungs-both of them.
While the terror is the same, my approach is different. I will admit I cried for 2 days after the Catscan came back with lung nodules and I knew it was cancer. But after we saw the surgeon and got a plan together, an eerie calm came over me. It just is what it is. That is all. It is cancer. I can’t run from it, hide under the bedcovers or fall in a deep pit again.
For the past 6 months, God has been preparing me for a big change. I assumed it meant moving sooner, than we thought, to D.C, but in reality, I guess it was this.
Those of you that know me, know I don’t sugar coat things. (Although I am polite) I won’t call it something that it isn’t. I am very transparent and you see what you get, basically.
One thing I won’t do is hide from life- this time around. There will days that I am sure I will want to. I told Cassidy in the Bible-David RAN at Goliath. He ran at his enemy-even though the enemy was four times his height and more experienced. He ran without hesitation. That is how I am approaching this battle.
My kids read this blog and my facebook page so I am careful with my words. (I urge you to be careful with yours as well-feel free to private message me if it something you think I need to answer without young eyes) But I will not shy away pointing to the enemy and calling it by its name.
I have never made a bucket list. But here is my top 5 things I want to do this year:)
- Go to the beach with my family
- Have great pictures taken with my kids
- publish this novel
- pay off Tanner’s last 2 years of college.
- Grow my hair out. (I know-silly but I am a girl!)
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