Friends

Friendships change, shift, disappear, thrive, morph and reappear. Like most girls, I grew up with friends that I thought I would have forever.  Growing up, marrying and having kids changes your relationships with your friends.  That is natural.  Friends of your teens or early adult years mature at different rates and it is not reasonable to expect to keep EVERY friend you have ever made.

Your true friends show themselves when you are in the trenches.

I was not prepared for was the utter loss of certain friends when I was diagnosed the first time with cancer.  People I thought were my "2 a.m friends" (this is a term used for people you can call at 2 a.m with emergencies-it should be a short list) vanished.  Friends that I considered "good friends",(maybe I wouldn't call them at 2 a.m but they would be there for me in a good times and bad) dropped off the radar really quick.  I mean gone.....never to call or see you again.

For a year or more, I was bitter about this.  Saddened deeply.  Grieved.  It still bothers me, especially if I see those select people.  But I let go of it last month.  At a Beth Moore Bible Study the group was asked to write down something that had scarred or marked them on a notecard (without your name of course) and lay it on the altar.  Symbolically-you are laying it at God's feet and letting go of it. Normally, this type of activity would have made me very uncomfortable.  I don't like touchy-feely kind of moments in public.  But a weight was on my heart that I could not deal with anymore.

You would think with the severity of this illness I would have something else to write on that card, but abandonment was the main word.  Not cancer, not chemo, not surgeries, not even the fear of dying.  It was being forgotten by a handful of people I trusted and loved that marked me the deepest.

In spite of that loss, God filled my life with new friends or stronger ones. Out of the darkest hours, a writing mentor, my Bible study group, church family, high school friends, neighbors down my street and an adoptive online Facebook group became pillars of strength for me.  God supplied them.  Hand picked. They filled in the gaps made by others.  I am so thankful.

Trials always teach humans something.  It teaches us to love or how to be indifferent...be resilient or weak....to be a friend or not. Trials have taught me to be a bit more careful with friends. Value the ones that God supplies.