Dear Classmates and Friends,
To thank so many people would take me a decade so I thought I would take a moment to tell you how I got in this situation, how I am getting out and who helped me along the way. I plan on sending this out with every thank you note that I can write but my fear is with the way people were throwing in cash or donating in secret, I am going to miss a lot of you. I don’t want to miss thanking one person.
Even after a mammogram last July and a physical in December, in May I discovered a lump. It is a woman’s nightmare. I didn’t waste time. Some women wait weeks, hoping it will magically go away. I waited less than 24 hours to see my doctor. The alarm on his face was enough for me. I knew it was cancer. I knew that it didn’t matter that I had five kids, two dogs and a wonderful husband….it was still cancer. And we didn’t know how bad it was. That was the scary part. After the biopsy, the surgeon used words like “aggressive and high grade” but that was all we knew. The waiting came then. Truly that part was agony. I waited two weeks via test results, MRI, PET SCAN, and Lymph node dissection to find out what stage. Was it in my bones? Other organs? My lymph nodes? (It was not, Praise God!)
Did I mention my oldest son was trying to graduate high school during this time? I was trying to hold it together for him but failing. I lost it, pretty much. Even my faith in God was shaky. Luckily, my husband’s prayer and faith hung on for both of us until we found out the news. It was Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, a “garden variety of breast cancer” but mine was triple negative as well and very aggressive. So it would only respond to the most aggressive triple chemo treatment/surgery/ radiation. This was a huge blow to our family.
But at some point when you have five children (one of which we were in the middle of adopting before I was diagnosed) you have to get up and fight. It is hard to fight when you don’t have the energy to make toast sometimes. My husband had to work, so my oldest son completely took over. At age 18, he took care of my challenging 6 year old, ran errands, babysat, and generally just became an adult. The other kids took care of me.
When you are sick you don’t take vacations, go to movies, etc. Going out to eat is a struggle when you have no appetite. The kids keep asking me “When will you be better, Mom?” The answer is very soon. These are small things you take for granted….it is has been a LONG summer for my kiddos. lol
My high school friends realized that cancer strikes not only the checkbook but family routine too. By the end of May, I was called by two or three of them. I think I was stunned or really in denial at the time at the thought of a fundraiser. People that know me know that it is hard for me to accept help of any sort. But they were persistent and convincing, knowing that more surgeries, radiation, and family survival would surely come even after insurance did its part. They were right. Keeping family normal is probably the hardest part of cancer. Thank you for helping us keep family important. They were getting so lost in treatments and appointments that we haven’t even school shopped or bought backpacks for this year. Just the small things but they add up.
In the Bible there is a story of incredible odds that I have held on to. It is the story of Elisha and his servant. When it looks like they will be crushed by the enemy and overtaken and the servant is kind of freaking out, Elisha shows him the mighty power of God.
2 Kings 6:15 When the servant of the man of God got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city. “Oh no, my lord! What shall we do?” the servant asked.
16 “Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” 17 And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.
That is how I feel with all of you around me….hills of horses and chariots of fire. The fight is still going on and will be but those who are with me are more than the enemy. Thank you for surrounding me with protection and love. Thank you for your help during this time of need and encouraging me when all I see is the enemy riding in toward me. Joe and I can’t say enough about how much work and time went into the event. Thank you again.
In Christ,
CeCe Caldwell Benningfield
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