Chemo plan

Ok, here is the good, bad and the wayyyy ugly!  I have to do 20 weeks or more (depending on what chemo plan we go with).  I am choosing for now to go with the every 2 weeks of chemo with a booster shot the day after for 8 weeks and then 12 weeks or more (give or take) of one week cycle of another chemo once a week.  That puts me stopping in late October?  Surgery in late October and then radiation. No more chemo after that.  Here are SPECIFIC prayers....1) the chemo and booster each week are ridiculously expensive each two weeks-please pray that we are covered by some type of cancer society coverage.  2)I am getting a lymph node test tomorrow w/my port insertion.  Pray NO LYMPH nodes are affected.  This is EVEN BIGGER THAN THE MONEY!!!!  Lymph nodes are the difference in stages and percentages in survival rates.  3) pray for my kids.  I will be driving four times a month to get treatment-I need coverage at the house while I go-that is 20 weeks.  That is a lot of help.  When we get back in school it isn't a problem but it is in the summer.  At least 16 trips in the summer alone.  Ikester will be sad.  4)  I am overwhelmed at the thought of NOT being a supermom for my kids.  When they get sick-like now I have two that don't feel good-I can't be the nurse with chemo going on.  I don't know how to be standoffish where it comes to my kids and taking care of them. 


This day ranks up there with the day from hell.....I hate cancer.  I hate it.  I had to be fitted for a wig.  So yeah-it SUCKED.  But I am shopping for blingy hats and scarves too.  That still sucked.  I hated being in the office with all the other cancer patients, I hated telling my daughter "you can't be sick today", I hated scheduling a Petscan and a MRI and my first chemo treatment during the week I am supposed to be celebrating my son's graduation and basically I would love to sleep until December.  Sorry-not the attitude I am supposed to have but I am PISSED OFF!!!!  Ok, I am through throwing a hissy fit now.  Sorry.  I will be an adult later.  I feel like throwing something like my 6 year old does and breaking things.  But I don't think I would feel better.  I would still have this stupid cancer.  Blah....